Do Something

I've been having a lot of feelings lately. That sounds like a stupid thing to say, because when don't you feel things? I guess I just mean bigger feelings than usual. I normally have three major emotions: Happy, Less Happy, and Insanely Stressed Out. I'm not one to get sad; I don't even remember the last time I cried in a non-Toy Story related incident. And I don't get angry often either, people just don't upset me. I get embarrassed very easily, but that generally just makes me Less Happy rather than actually upset. Being Insanely Stressed Out just comes with college life.

But now. Oh now. I'm pretty young, and I haven't done much yet. But now. Now I feel like my life is starting, taking off and I don't know where the hell it's going. I'm all of a sudden having to make big decisions that could affect my entire future. I signed a lease for an apartment next year, an agreement to fork over $400 bucks every month, and if I don't I'm homeless. I also agreed to do weirdly grown-up things like change air filters and clean the carpets. How strange is that? A lease, for chrissakes!

I'm also applying for internships. I normally have a nannying job over the summer where I am grossly underpaid but get to watch Disney movies and go to the pool all day. I love this job, but it's not getting me anywhere. I'm not moving forward, you know? So I'm applying for internships. It's especially nerve-wracking because I have to tell my old boss I can't nanny for her in March but I won't find out if I even got the internships until April or later, so who knows if I'll even get one. I could be stuck jobless for the summer, which is so scary. I need the cash. I signed a lease, remember? And why else do I need the cash? I'm studying abroad in Italy next semester.

Do you see what I mean now? Everything is happening at once! I go from having an abundance of time in which I can watch all 10 seasons of Friends and read copious amounts of really bad fiction to no time whatsoever. I'm signing leases and buying summer storage units and getting reading to go to Italy where I barely speak the language and writing an ass-ton of fiction for school and applying for internships and trying to save money and being inducted into societies and just...doing. Doing is harder than it looks.

Normally this wouldn't bother me too much. My friends will tell you that I spend quite a bit of time on the Insanely Stressed Out side of the emotional scale. I randomly freak out about EVERYTHING. I plan and replan my 'life' and my 'future' to the point where I have no clue where I'm going. Most of the time I'm freaking out about things that I don't even need to worry about yet, like life insurance and whether or not I'll have time to knit my children Christmas sweaters like Mrs. Weasley. So, I'm pretty used to freaking out. But this is different because my life is starting, and shouldn't it have started already? Aren't I a little behind?

Recently I've either read about or watched on Youtube or met a bunch of people around my age who have already done so much. They have so much under their belt and are productive members of society. What does that make me? I'm only 19 and I already feel like a slacker! One of the people I have grown to admire over the past year is a Youtuber named Kristina Horner. She's just done so much with her life already (I don't even know how much) and she's only 23 (I think). She is both inspiring and disheartening. She has written (although I don't think published) several books, produced music in multiple bands, is publishing a book of short stories in collaboration with a few others, is writing, producing, and acting in a webseries named Job Hunters, and in general just rocks at life. See what I mean? It makes me feel like a drain on society. And it is inspiring, can't forget that. Disheartening AND inspiring.

It is the inspiring bit that I would like to focus on. I'm a bit late as far as New Year's Resolutions go, but this is more serious than a simple NYR anyway. I just want to put it out there on the internet (which is almost as good as paper nowadays) so that I can have it written down. It's binding!

Here it goes:

I solemnly swear to DO SOMETHING this year. By 11:59 on December 31st 2012 I promise to have contributed something to the world, something good.

I'm not going to specify what the something I will contribute will be, mostly because I don't know yet. Why limit it? Whether the something be a novel I hope to publish or some significant work I do at an internship or some form of special charity work or a contest I win I will do something.

If you are looking for some inspiration or if you just want to see someone awesome do awesome things, Kristina Horner can be found here

I am listening to Light & Day/ Reach for the Sun by The Polyphonic Spree. It is the song from the Lorax trailer, and I highly recommend you check it out here

Peace out, y'all